My Idiot
by Juggalomalice
Summary: He's an idiot. He chases after aliens all day, talks about nothing but weird paranormal stuff, and forgets important days, but there are times when its alright to be an idiot. Even times I'm not ashamed to say he's mine. A DAG fluff fic.


My first Invader Zim fanfic and my second one-shot. I need to write more often. Anyway, I figured I'll end up writing a one-shot whenever I have severe writer's block. For those of you who don't know this is a DAGR fluff. If you don't like that you can just read it as a little brother sister family moment. Its meant to be more cute than romantic. Though I did write it as a DAGR fic you can perceive however you want. Special thanks go to Count R.P. Orlok for his assistance and opinion on the two possible endings.

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My Idiot

Written by: Juggalomalice

The skool bell rung signaling the end of the day. As the mass of adolescent children rushed out of class the purple haired girl of doom and hatred, Gaz, merely bided her time as she collected her materials and readied her Game Slave 2. She was in no hurry to get home and nothing was going to make her care enough to hurry either.

She entered the halls with the sound of hundreds of vampire-piggies screaming in death to blur out the mind-numbing chatter of the worthless sacks of human life that wasted space. She avoided students with an uncanny sixth sense as her eyes never left the screen of her game. She didn't need to see where she was going. She already knew. She had done the walk a hundreds of times. She memorized the steps, turns and stops. It was nothing more then a useless routine of human actions to her. She stopped short of a nearby door as she mentally counted the seconds.

In a sudden unexpected action the door burst open as a suspicious looking olive green boy ran out chased by another young boy with a scythe-like haircut, glasses, and an oversized head. The green boy turned towards the big-headed kid in an overused cliché face off.

"FOOLISH DIB-STINK! You'll never stop me. Just give up and accept your DOOM!!" The spastic green boy yelled as he released a maniacal laugh from his creepily oversized mouth.

"Never! I'll never give up, Zim! I'll hunt you down till the ends of the Earth and expose you for the alien you are." Dib yelled back as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his trusty water gun.

Unlike the crowd that was beginning to gather around the spectacle, Gaz showed little interest in the fight and she had no idea why it interested anyone else for that matter either. It was always the same. Zim would run out, Dib chased, they would face off, exchange banter, Dib shoots, Zim dodges, Zim runs off, Dib gives chase and doesn't come home till past midnight. It was always the same. Like a retarded play that the two always enacted. With an even stupider meaning that the only the two of them understood. She just couldn't grasp the concept. Zim was a harmless imbecile and her brother was just an idiot for not knowing it. It was always the same, even if she hoped for one day it wouldn't be.

"For Earth!" Dib shouted as he took aim and fired off his squirt gun only to have Zim grab a nearby student and use them as a shield to intercept the beam of water.

"You cannot hope to defeat me monkey!" Zim boasted as he ducked under another shot of water and dashed toward the exit.

"Come back here Zim!" Dib yelled, but before he could he even begin his heroic dash after the villain he felt a tremendous force grab him from behind and pull him back. Dib sling-shotted backwards and landed on his back at Gaz's feet. Her small, but powerful, hand gripped tightly around the back of his coat. "Gaz what the hell do you think you're doing? Zim's getting away." he squirmed.

"We're going home Dib." Gaz ordered as she walked out dragging her older sibling behind her. Several painful gasps of pain came from Dib as she ungracefully dragged him down the skool steps.

"Gaz what's the meaning of this? The Earth is just about to be destroyed and you don't seem to care." Dib cried from behind her as he tried to twist his way out of her grasp.

"That's because I don't care. We're going home TOGETHER whether you like it or not"

"Don't I at least get a say in this?"

"No." The answer was stern and simple devoid of any real emotion save annoyance and anger.

Dib flailed his arms in anger at his own helplessness. "I can't believe this. The world is going to be conquered and enslaved by aliens all because my sister insists she wants to walk home together of all the stupidest reasons on the stupidest of days!" Gaz suddenly stopped as Dib felt her hand tighten even more around his collar. Her small hand turning white from the force she was exerting. Dib wasn't sure what he had said to make her so made, but he instantly closed his eyes and he braced himself for a beating.

"Don't ever say today is stupid. Any other day is fine, but never say today is stupid, understood?" She said darkly. The anger from her voice so heavy that Dib found it hard to breath in her presence.

"I.. I still d-don't get what's so im-important today." Dib said struggling with his words.

Gaz sighed as she shook her head. "You're an idiot."

"Still a stupid reason." He said resentfully.

Gaz's free hand tightened into a fist as the veins pulsated around it. "It's not stupid!" She screamed as she spun around to punch Dib only to find herself holding an empty trench coat. She picked up the empty black coat and regarded it. "Well I must admit I wasn't expecting that." She looked around her surroundings just in time to see a big-headed spot running in the direction of Zim's house. "Dib, you idiot!" She yelled at the fleeing figure before she turned back and headed back home. She shook her head once more. She had no idea why she thought today might be any different.

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She opened to door to her house only to be greeted by a prerecorded message from the familiar floating screen. "Greeting son and daughter. I'm afraid I won't be able to make it home tonight."

"Nothing new." Gaz snorted as she tossed her backpack and Dib's coat, which she had been nice enough to bring with her and not leave in the middle of the road, onto the sofa.

"There's leftover pizza in the fridge. Feel free to help yourself. Anyway I must be off." The screen said as it gave a halfhearted goodbye wave towards the wall.

"Same prerecorded message too."

"Oh and one more thing." Gaz's ears picked up as she turned towards the screen with unorthodox interest. "There's some emergency money in the usual place. Just in case. Take care now."

Gaz frowned. Not what she wanted to hear. She sat on the sofa as she turned the TV on. She quickly flipped channels and finding nothing of interest simply turned the TV off and turned back to her Game Slave. Her eye narrowly watching the clock on the wall. _"Maybe someone will show up later." _ she thought was she killed more monsters in her game.

4PM, no one got home yet.

5PM, the mail-man didn't even bother to stop at their house.

6PM, still not a word from either her father or Dib.

7PM, the sun had gone down sometime ago and there was still no sign of anyone.

8PM, Dib should have been back by now. He never missed "Mysterious Mysteries"

9PM, if no one was back yet chances are no one remembered.

10PM, Dib burst through the door covered in scorch marks and immediately closed it as he leaned back against it. "I did it!" He cried triumphantly as he held out a video cassette in his hand and collapsed forward from exhaustion. "I finally got concrete evidence on Zim!" he shouted nearly crying in happiness.

Gaz slowly walked up to the prone figured. She gave no sign that she even cared about her brother's accomplishment. "Do you know what today is?" She asked coldly.

"Today? Today is the greatest day in the history of mankind. I have here the most important breakthrough for the scientific community. Proof of the existence of intelligent alien life." Dib explained ecstatically.

"But do you know what today is?" She asked once more unswayed by her brothers achievement.

"What? Who cares? Its not important as this tape." Dib reasoned as he tried to stand back up only to be slammed back into the ground by a foot to his back. "That hurt!" he yelled.

"I guess your evidence is all thats important to you, huh?" Gaz asked coldly.

Dib swallowed unsure how to answer. "Well of course it is."

"Then I guess your evidence is always waiting for you back home too?" Gaz said harshly as she slammed her foot into the tape breaking it in half.

Dib just stared in utter horror and what his sister just did. "Gaz, who's side are you on? Just what the hell is your problem today?"

Gaz just watched him through unmoving eyes as he picked up the shattered pieces of his work. "Dib.. you're an idiot and I hate you." she said simply, as she turned around and headed back upstairs to her room.

"You hate me?" Dib repeated in shock. This was just strange. For one he didn't get beaten up, but there was one other thing that bothered him. Gaz had told him that she hated him before. She probably told him a hundred times already, but the way she said it this time scared him. "I think she means it this time. Like really means it and why did she keep asking me what today is?" His brow perked quizzically. "What is today anyway?" He asked out loud as he entered the kitchen and studied the calender in there. He stared at the date deep in thought has he tried to figure out of the mystery that was plaguing Gaz. Suddenly it hit him like Gaz's right hook has he fell to his knees cursing his own absentmindedness. "I'm the worst big brother in the world."

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Gaz sat in the dark of her room. Her only light being the flashing lights of her Game Slave and the small beams of moonlight that sneaked in past her curtains. She wasn't sure how much time had passed since Dib got home or how long she'd been shut in her room so far.

"Stupid Dib and his stupid aliens. I should go back down there and crush his stupid idiotic big head." She fumed as she brutishly hacked at a big-headed vampire-pig that she imagined was Dib with a chainsaw. Her door slowly cracked open allowing an unwanted beam of light too shine in. Gaz turned toward it instantly. "Dib if thats you I swear I'm going to pound you." She threatened. Her voice carrying more venom then usual. After several seconds of not receiving an answer Gaz put her game down and looked into the hall. "Dib where the hell are you?" She demanded of the empty hall. Strangely enough her answer did not come in the form of a voice, but an odor. The odor of fresh hot pizza, dripping with cheese and pepperoni and not just any pizza. "Bloaty's"

She quickly climbed down the stairs having temporarily forgotten why or who she was mad at. The smell of melted cheese growing stronger with each step as she got closer to the source. As she turned the corner and entered the kitchen she stopped cold in her tracks as she witnessed a most unexpected sight. Dib, with a very nervous smile on his face, stood next to the biggest pizza she had ever seen in her life.

"Hmm, how to say this?" Dib said in a jittery manner. "Happy Birthday Gaz."

Gaz stood in utter shock. Her eyes wide open for one of the few times in her life."You remembered?"

"Well not at first." Dib admitted as he looked at his shoes in shame. "So I'm sorry about forgetting. I hope maybe I can make it up to you. How bout it?"

Gaz slowly walked to up to her brother. Her face having returned back to its normal unreadable expression as she reached up and grabbed Dib by his shirt and pulled him down so that he was level with her.

Dib froze unsure what to do. If he tried to run he was sure he would die. If he stood still there was still a chance he would die. _"I'm dead no matter what I do."_

"Dib, you really are an idiot." She said into her brother's face. She then leaned in and planted a single kiss on his cheek "But you're my idiot."

End

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Rant: Ok, first things first. For those of you would think that Gaz wouldn't get mad about people forgetting her birthday you can bite me, ok. Cause nobody likes to have their birthday forgotten. I don't care how hardcore, how bad ass, or how anything you are. Nobody likes to have their birthday forgotten. Hmm, aside from that I can't think of much else to say. I think this fanfic was decent so I hope you like it; also yes I do like DAGR stories so write more of them. I just don't have time to devote time to another full blown story. So come on people. There are next to none DAGR fanfics out there. 


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